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tales from a fangirl
C/A fic on the fly 
12th-Aug-2010 01:06 am
the soul cries
and totes unbeta'd. Apologies for any mistakes.

Title: Somewhere A Candle Is Burning.
Author: Samsom
Rating: G
Summary: Vigils are never easy unless you have faith. Less than 500 words.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: It’s funny what inspires a thought. I was listening to Hero of the Day by Metallica and the first line of the song struck me hard for the first time. Fic resulted.
Angsty but hopefully hopeful. S5, post YW.

It rained in LA the day they had her funeral.

Angel stared down the grey streets on the way back home, silent and unmoving, the urn held just so between his hands, in his lap. Cradled the way he couldn’t cradle her.

When they reached the office, he left the others and took her remains up to his suite.

He set her on a low table in his bedroom, kept the lights low, and stripped the funeral clothing from his body, dropping the tie and the shirt and the slacks to the floor and stepping over them to get to his shower stall with the triple shower heads.

He came out of the bathroom half an hour later and belted his robe.

The night outside his windows was wet and dark with no hint of the full moon he knew was beyond the rainstorm and clouds.

He went into the living room and reached for the cardboard box by the front door.

Inside was a candle holder like his mother used to have, and nestled at the center was a single white, unadorned candle. When lit, it would give off the scent of fresh orchids after a rainfall.

He took it back into his bedroom and set it on the table in front of the window. He took a matchstick out of his robe pocket and scraped his thumb over the top. He watched it flare to life, the smoke dark grey and thick, before lowering it carefully to the candle.

The wick lit instantly, hungry for the flame, and burned strong.

He put the match out and walked back over to his bed, sitting heavily on the edge.

He stared at the candle and then out into the deep night.

“I’m not going to say good-bye,” he whispered. “You’re not gone, not really. You’re out there somewhere.” Angel didn’t think he could cry any more but soon the bitter salt of his grief spilled down his face, drops wetting the dryness of his lips. “And I know you’re on another road and that you have important things to do. But Cordelia.” He stopped as his throat tightened on her name, and swallowed hard until he felt it relax enough again. “I’ll keep this candle burning for you, in the window, to remind you…don’t forget to come home. I love you, baby.”

Angel sat and stared, prepared to wait out the long night ahead of him, certain that wherever she was, she’d heard him.

And she’d come.


12th-Aug-2010 09:52 am (UTC)
I was ~just~ about to go to bed, and on a whim decided to check my lj for whatever. And this is what I found!

This is so incredibly sad. Once I read that first line, I was a goner. All of a sudden the smile on my face fell, and the room seemed to go quiet. It was like this throughout the entire fic. And it was beautiful. &hearts I think you got through that hopefulness at the end, but it was tinged with so much sadness that I teared up immediately. I don't even know what to say. You have a way with words, and this is going in my memories so I can read it again and again, no matter how teary it makes me. &hearts
13th-Aug-2010 05:04 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks so much. I'm sorry I made you sad but...lol....nothing makes me as sad as Angel without Cordelia, so I must share the pain. :P
13th-Aug-2010 05:49 am (UTC)
You would purposefully share your pain with the rest of us? :O What a horrid thing that is! And what's even more horrid is that I freaking love it! Oh yeah, I'm all for the pain and the angst baby, especially Cordelia-less-Angel pain and angst.
12th-Aug-2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
This is so sad, but incredibly beautiful at the same time.
13th-Aug-2010 05:05 am (UTC)
Thank you. :D
12th-Aug-2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
I love your evocative use of language. It's thick with sorrow, this piece, and your narrative made it feel like you could taste every one of his tears, and bow under each wave of his despair and grief.

The fact that he lit the match with his thumb added that bit of extra to the scene for me. Fantastic.
13th-Aug-2010 05:08 am (UTC)
I'm so glad I got Angel's grief across. Whenever I listen to a certain song, I think of A without C in s5 and it inevitably makes me want to try and convey how I feel. Ahhh, this show.....why do I love it so much?!
14th-Aug-2010 05:23 pm (UTC)
Gorgeous imagery, great fic ♥
15th-Aug-2010 03:29 am (UTC)
thank you. :D
15th-Aug-2010 05:48 am (UTC)
You know I much I LOVE fics where we get to see Angel actually grieving for the loss of his best friend, his Seer, his love. It just hits something in me and well, you always manage to deliver the most beautiful fic. This was so heart wrenching and painful. I feel all choked up. Thank you.
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